Getting D to the B: Enforcing Positive Behavior

I have a lot of kids.

My house is noisy. 

Everything can get out of control super speedy quick (Junie B Jones reference thrown in for your benefit.)

The messes and little people will take over if I'm not careful.

This requires that I find creative ways to make our home peaceful and efficient.

All with limited time, limited resources, and precious little energy.

I have found it.

I've found a way to motivate my kids to get along.

To do their jobs without being asked. To share. To show kindness.  

It is: Positive Reinforcement.

This is not rocket science. I've always known this.

However, I needed to give them positive recognition in a more tangible way.

So, we use pebbles



Our colorful pebbles in a big bin so they are easy to grab



We use jars and a simple label to identify each jar for each child. 



Lovely jars for less than $1 at Michaels



Here's how it works at our house:

When mom or dad notice a child doing something that makes the home more peaceful,

they receive a pebble in their jar.

Here are some examples of pebble-worthy behavior: 

sharing

speaking kindly

showing love toward a sibling

making an effort not to fight

doing extra jobs to help

doing their own jobs without being asked

finishing their homework right after school

Once the jar is filled, that child gets a special 1-on-1 date with a parent.

Something simple - going to the library and then having some hot chocolate.

Staying up later than the other kids to play a game with mom and dad.

Going swimming at the YMCA.

An activity that doesn't cost money, but allows for quality time together.



See our current progress? This is round two for our kids



Ooooh, my kids just eat this up.

They LOVE it.

Some things to consider:

* The important thing about this system is this: It is all about positive reinforcement.

No pebbles are taken out for bad behavior.

 Pebbles are only added in.

*Pebbles aren't received for merely doing their jobs (more on that in another post).

They receive pebbles at mom and dad's discretion.

The primary pebble-earning behavior is that which makes our home more peaceful.

When a child does his jobs quickly, quietly, and without being nagged,

this definitely contributes to the peace of our home.

In goes a pebble.

*After the prize has been earned, empty the jar and start all over.

Does it seem that I'm trying to trick my children into behaving? I promise you, that is not my intention. My goal with these little rituals is to cultivate in them the habits of kindness, graciousness, and self-discipline. So that my children will more naturally be polite, let others go first, show love to family members, and give up their chair to the person who is looking for a seat. They will see that being kind is more important than winning, than being right; more important than being the fastest or coming in first place.

When they make good choices at home, there is positive attention for doing so. They'll feel good inside. Ultimately, they'll be kind and good people outside the home, and as they're maturing into adulthood.

*Idea adapted from Family Fun magazine