So. Here it is.
So, I should be making dinner right now, but I thought I'd blog instead.
So, I bought Halloween candy early last week, thinking I'd be saving myself the trouble of having to rush out this week. Bad idea. I bought lots of my favorite candy. The butterfingers are gone. So are the Kit Kats. I'm so ashamed. The fun size candy bars are the most dangerous. One isn't enough. So, you have a couple (or more), only to realize you ate more than the equivalent of one whole candy bar. What? You don't do that too? Oh.
So, Little E loves chocolate. Loves it! If the kids leave their candy out, she is all over it.
So, I feel so bad. Yesterday was Megan's dance class, and they were supposed to wear their costumes to class. I completely forgot! It was such a busy day, and tons of activities were going on that evening - piano, dance, dinner, baths, bed, practicing, and the cannery. I was even going to try to clean the house that night after the kids went to bed. My mind was swimming with all the stuff to do. And I simply forgot. She was the only one without a costume. Sorry, Megan! She was OK with it. But I still felt bad. I'm always doing stuff like that. If my head weren't attached to my body, it would float away...
So, I am about to give up. I have nearly lost faith in myself. I have been working on a goal for 13 months, and I can't seem to achieve it. The goal is: getting to my pre-pregnancy weight. I am so sick of dieting. That is why I have been taking diet sabbaticals. These sabbaticals last for two weeks at a time. That's why I can't lose the last ten pounds. You see, I am not rational when I am hungry. And when I diet, I am hungry. Anyone who has had to try to loose weight will tell you that some hunger is required. But, like I said, when I'm hungry, that extra snack seems more important than my goal. Whoever invented the saying "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels," has not tasted very many good things.
So, My husband tries to help and give me some pointers, but then my hungry self bites his head off (see, I told you I was hungry) and tells his skinny self that since he's never had to lose weight, his advice on the subject is as welcome as his advice on nursing a baby. He laughs whole heartedly, and tells me I have a point.
So, many kind souls ask me why I stress about this subject often because "You look fine," they tell me. But I don't feel fine, and my jeans are so darn uncomfortable, but I'm sick of wearing baggy clothes. But I refuse to buy myself new clothes when I'm not the size I want to be. So ...
So, I've been letting myself fall behind on house hold stuff. Because all I want to do is relax and read a good book. Is there a way to do all the things you have to do and still have time left over for the things you enjoy? Someone please tell me how to do it.
So, I want to get this dress for Megan. I think she'd look so cute in it with her hair pulled up into a messy bun. Please go on sale.
So, Andrew's new thing is taking off all his clothes to go to the bathroom. He spends a long time in there. I go to check on him and see him up to his elbows in the toilet. Lovely.
So, gas is only $2.15 a gallon. Too bad my tank is already 3/4 full. Too bad you can't stock up on that stuff! I'm loving that price.
So, we finally found a wheat grinder. I'm excited to try my hand at making wheat bread from scratch.
So, I wonder why I equate my success with how well my house is operating. When it's orderly, clean, organized, and my kids are well fed, I feel awesome. When my house is messy, chaotic, and just plain crazy, I feel like I'm failing. Without a doubt, the line between order and chaos in my house is a very delicate line. Gossamer thin. And it's very easy to cross over the line from order to mayhem.
So, I just shared a bit of my brain's contents with all of you. You really don't want to know the rest.
So, I better go make dinner now.
So. What's new with you?
15 comments:
Embrace the mayhem, Sister!
So,
Dinner? Didn’t I just make that last night for these people?
Halloween candy? I would never eat the butterfingers and kit kats out of the Halloween candy – only the whoppers. And the milk duds. And probably the reese’s.
Last month, Alex was star of the week in his first grade class. I didn’t remember until Wednesday after Alex said “Mom, I only have two more days of being Star of the Week. When are you sending in my poster?” Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh ….. Poster?
Can’t help you with the weight thing. If I were within 10 pounds of my prepregnancy weight, I would bake a cake and celebrate. Which is why I’m no where near my pre pregnancy weight. I keep hoping one of these days I’ll wake up with a craving for something healthy instead of what I usually crave.
Go ahead. Spend one day doing absolutely nothing besides reading and napping. I have these fantasies of going on vacation by myself. All. By. Myself. Maybe you could get an adjoining room?
Alex went through a similar phase. We called it “toilet fishing”. He emerged from that phase only to enter the “no flushing” years. Eww. Just ewww.
Scratch? Duuuuude. That’s why there are grocery stores and panera bread.
Just so you know, mayhem isn’t so bad. I rather like it sometimes – it certainly isn’t boring. In fact, most days include a good, hard, belly laugh because life just isn’t in my control. I’ve sort of given up trying, and just enjoy the entertainment instead.
Honey, I think you stole this post from my brain. I feel the exact way you do.
walter's bathroom game of choice is dipping his hands into the toilet and then LICKING them. which is why i don't tell kylie to stop being a tattle tale ;)
i've been trying to lose weight, too. my goal was 50lbs, i've lost 25. but i haven't made ANY progress for the last 4 months. i'm considering giving up and just getting pregnant again so i can eat what i want and get fat and not feel guilty about it for at least 9 months.
Wow, you are right on. I worked all week trying to clean and organize my home - ask me what it looks like right now, why? Forgot about parent teacher conference and sent and apology e-mail, got a response that parent teacher conferences are next week - k glad I didn't go! Halloween candy? I feel guilty for eating so much that I don't eat real food, yuck. Toilets? Don't get me started. Anyway, love your post - these are the times we will miss, right?
You just summed up how half of us feel on a daily basis. I don't know the key to working through it, I am in the middle of it too. When/if I ever figure it out, I will let you know. I guess for now we just keep plugging away, and try not to worry too much. I don't think we are doing any permanent damage right? Good luck!
LOVED this post. Love knowing someone else feels like me in so many ways. Megan will be a better girl for it, COle use to take all his clothes off too during potty time and I would LVOE to lose the last 10 pounds, my baby is 5 next week should I add. I feel the same about my house.when it is clean i feel so good BUT also I feel bad too becasue that only can mean they were left behind for a minute or two, hour or two. Your awesome Natalie. Love your blog.
Is this not every mother's life? SO- TRUE!!!
PS- Where did you find the wheat grinder- I am in the market myself! ]
AND.... YOu ARE fine- beautiful lady!
I'm a "so" person too. Loved reading your thoughts!!!!
Gas is $2.09 here. Should we have gas storage PLUS food storage? I've thought of stocking up as well!
I have two kids and I can barely stay above water. I feel the same way, when my house and kids are clean and in perfect operation I feel great, otherwise I feel like I'm sinking in a big lake. And, I bet you do look great, but I hear you, if you don't feel it it doesn't really matter. I get stuck in the same thing. What works best for me is to never say I'm on a diet. That just makes me want to eat a bunch of stuff that I otherwise could have passed up. Something about being told what to do...
What a refreshing post. It's so good to know that your normal! You have no idea how often I think to myself, I be Natalie would never let her house get this disorganized, or I bet Natalie wouldn't cook scrabled eggs for dinner two nights in a row! Thank you for making me feel a little better!
As for the Halloween candy, oh man, I don't even know how many of those little miny sized candies I ate of Olivia's after our trunk or treat party.
As far as the weight thing goes, i think you really do need to just realize that you look SO GOOD! Maybe you haven't hit your pre-pregnancy weight because you have more muscle. Muscle does way more than fat. Anyway, I say indulge yourself every once in a while its good for you!
This is one of the best posts I have ever read. Were you AP English?
Diet-GAG! I know exactly what you mean. Winter is coming and I swear I'll fit into those clothes...but I have yet to do anything about it. I broke down and bought a pair of pants for now. For NOW, right?
PS- love that red dress.
So, I could have written this post.
So, how come we are so much alike.
So, lets just embrace it and enjoy life in spite of it all!
Love ya!
p.s. saw that dress at Gap last night and coveted it myself.
So, at least you took the time to blog-- I haven't in two months and don't feel to guilty about it.
So, do you walk into their rooms at night (when everyone is actually sleeping because usually there is someone who needs something at somepoint in the middle of the night, right??) and just look at their precious faces adn wonder would life really be so fullfilling without them?
So, you have a quiet moment and realize yet again life is good.
So, thanks for the post!
I love your brain! It makes me feel like I have a kindred spirit out there--thanks for making me laugh with the oh-so-crazy-truthfulness of every word you wrote!
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