I love this picture of Drew helping Megan and James climb around Gooseberry Falls on the shore of Lake Superior. He's a great dad and loves making memories.
Drew left for Brussels on Saturday. He won't be home again until the first week of July. As I was helping him pack for this trip, I told him that it seems like we haven't seen much of him since before Mother's Day. It's nothing new to us. Having a very busy dad, that is. Maybe it's just seems harder this time around because of everything that's going on right now.
Do you ever feel like your husband has so many responsibilities to juggle that you never see him? Lots of expectations at work. Significant tasks for church callings. A handful of families to home teach that require extra time and care. On top of that, illness, needs with extended family members, and international travel for business.
And then there's the pesky home repairs and yard work that creep up and seem especially daunting because I'm home looking at it all day but can't do much about it. It's not for lack of trying. I've been working in the yard, and attempting to fix things. And then my body tells me that it's had enough.
More than that, we all miss having dad around. We love to joke around and play with him, run through the sprinklers, cook up a delicious meal together, listen to him play his dad's guitar, take the kids on adventures and read stories.
But, the biggest adventures are yet to come. The intensity at work will pick up, more international travel, birthday parties for the kids, not to mention a baby. Thankfully, he'll fly home just in time for us to take off to California for a family vacation the last week in June. Yay!
As our family grows and as we continue to try to do what's right, it seems we simply have to divide and conquer. We have to do this a lot. Sometimes, we're both so busy and exhausted that we feel conquered. Feeling like we're putting out fires without having a good handle on things.
This quote helps me whenever I feel this way:
"You cannot do everything well at the same time. You cannot be a 100 percent wife, a 100 percent mother, a 100 percent church worker, a 100 percent career person, and a 100 percent public-service person at the same time. Doing things sequentially—filling roles one at a time at different times— gives a person the opportunity to do each thing well in its time and to fill a variety of roles. We need not try to sing all of the verses of our song at the same time."
I'll admit that sometimes I've said to Drew, "Hey, can't you just let this go, or forget about doing that for now?" But he won't let the most important things slide. I'm grateful to have a companion who works hard and fulfills his roles to the utmost. It makes me desire to do the best I can with my responsibilities. It also makes me realize that what I do as a stay at home mom is even more important than I thought. In my role, I not only take care of the kids and help mold the environment of our home. I'm helping a great man become even greater. You know what they say about a great man? Behind every great man ... You better believe it. ;)
Now for a glimpse into our day to day, here's how things go when he's traveling:
First few days:
*Watch Pride & Prejudice a few times. Enjoy the excitement of being the sole possessor of the remote control.
*Make terrific to do lists that you're certain you'll execute since you'll need to keep yourself busy.
*Let the kids stay up late.
*Cook dinners that are not that great because you'd rather have mediocre food and no dishes.
*Keep the house orderly and tidy.
*Work on big projects.
*Stay ahead of the laundry.
*Stay up late because you can't sleep well when your husband isn't home. Drop into bed just as your eyes are about to close so that you don't really notice that you're falling asleep alone.
*Go check out a few stores or shops you've always wanted to peruse. Even though it means taking all the kids.
*Treat yourself to a special dessert. Emotional eating? Maybe so.
Once the first week or so passes:
*Rather than watch anymore Jane Austin movies, you blog a bit too much and obsessively check your email. Come on, inbox! Give me some love.
*Look at those extensive to do lists. Too tired to execute them.
*Put the kids to bed super early.
*Start cooking better meals because you're tired of not so great ones.
*Let the house get unruly. Hey, you're not expecting anyone.
*See that big project you started? Lost some steam in the middle of it. Bit off more than you could chew.
*Let the clean laundry sit in the basket most of the week waiting to be folded. Fold it only when you really need to use the basket.
*After a few weeks of not sleeping well, start to go to bed at 9 pm because now, sadly, you're accustomed to having the bed to yourself.
*You would window shop, but who wants to take three kids shopping?
*More dessert, anyone?
12 comments:
Natalie, my dear. While I can relate to the overly busy parent, I have never had Miles go out of town for weeks at a time. Most of what you say I can relate to perfectly. Most of the time I feel like a single parent and wonder what it would be like if just once he was home to help with homework or take Christian to scouts. Then the weekends seem to that constant struggle of trying to balance enjoying each others company and playing with the kids or getting all of those projects that pile up done. It is exhausting and draining.
I wish I were there to bring you dinner, give you a hug, and watch your kids for a few hours.
Don't try to be supermom. Just try to survive!
Love ya!
Awesome post Natalie. Luckily for both of you, you and Drew are well matched. Hang in there though. My heart goes out to you as well. Being alone is not fun. At least you can take comfort in knowing that if Drew had it his way, he'd be in the trenches with you.
Does your month together last year before he started his new job allow you a happy place?
You're awesome!
Thanks, Kel & Heather. That's a good reminder, Kelly. The last two summers, I had him all to myself for a month at a time. That is a happy thought. Too bad I always want more!
Your second set of points sound a lot like my regular routine! Except I would just switch the types of dinners. I hate cooking, as many people already know.
Hang in there until he's back and then you get a vacation to celebrate. I hear that construction paper chains help the time pass...
I know all about running on empty! But I definitely don't do it with the grace and composure that you continue to exhibit. You are amazing! And your perspective on the whole thing is very inspiring.
I didn't get through my rough times with quite as much optimism as you have. But, and I know this sounds horrible, there are a lot of things to enjoy while our hubby's are away. As hard as it is to be all alone with the kids, after they're in bed, it's all about you. You don't have to clean if you don't want to, and can watch whatever you want, you don't have to feel guilty about blogging till 1 AM, the dinners can be Eggos...every night. That's how I kept my glass looking half-full during travel times. I don't think I washed a single dish during his first week away. It was chaos, but no one was around to notice but me! :)
Natalie! That stinks that Drew has to be gone so long! I don't know how all of you temporarily single moms are doing it. Anyway...in case you didn't hear, I'm having surgery tomorrow, so the parents and Kel should be here any minute. I'm so excited to see them, but it couldn't be under worse circumstances!!
Smitty- this is Laura (I was one of Natalie's comps in NYC) I am a HUGE fan of Smitty (you know that!) I have enjoyed reading your blog over the past six months and thought I would join in and leave some comments!
I WISH so much we lived by each other! Our lives sound SO similar! My husband Chip is gone for weeks at a time to Texas for our business there! I am a single mom too! Maybe we can set a time and turn on P&P at the same time and pretend we are watching it together so we don't feel so lonely!
Natalie, I agree with the others that you do seem to have such a great perspective! I love that quote that you put on here. It is so true. We just have to realize we can't do it all and that is OK! I liked your list of the weeks. My husband is also so busy and I find myself resenting some of the things he has to do but I know we're trying our best and that's the best we can do. good luck these next few weeks! it is soooooo great that you'll get to have a trip together right when he gets home.
Judy - I had no idea you were having surgery! I hope it goes well. I'll call to find out more about how you are dong. TY! I'm so happy to see a comment from you. I had no idea Chip traveled so much. Yes, let's set a date and watch P&P together long distance. Best show ever.
As a frequent Air Force flyer, I'll have to get you in touch with Becky, who can empathize with you a lot. However, Becky has been going to conventions for her Oral Surgeon recently, leaving me as Mr. Mom. I don't know how how you guys do it.
On a side note, it seems that you are the most prolific blogger I have ever seen in my life. I drop by every few weeks, and nothing I read is still on your page.
Oh man Natalie! Hang in there! I can't decide who its worse for, you or Drew, because when Drew was out here in Utah with out you, he just wasn't that happy. I'm sure he is dying! Keep on going!
I agree about the remote and lazy dinners. I love when he has to work later that dinner time. Ryan never goes out of town and I often daydream he will.... What a horrible wife am I?
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